I know all he wants of me is my body, and that bothers me. He likes my personality, but obviously not enough to say “hey, date me!” Never broken up with a girl…. That bothers me a lot. Who know why they broke up with him, his immaturity, or cheating? Either way, if we were to date, it would only be for a few months. Is that worth it? If we were dating, he would most likely just think that’s his free pass to f*** me. This scares me, because I’ve realized I want it more and more even though I know its wrong. I will regret it for the rest of my life most likely if I give that to him. But I’ve done so many bad things, what makes this one so much more important? Probably because you only lose your virginity once. I really want it though, even if I don’t love him, I can just see it happening, probably easily. Things most likely would escalate quickly. I know, not exactly like the books is it? People would say I’m too young to be having s**, which is why it is so difficult to talk to adults. Heck, I can’t even talk to my friends about this. I can only transfer my feelings to paper. I don’t love him, hell I don’t even know him. We haven’t spent any time together, im afraid to talk to him on the phone, how would a f****** relationship work? You know what, f*** him! He does what I ask, and maybe since this is my first possible relationship, I am way in over my head. I know I am overthinking all this s***, but who gives a f***, ive got nothing else to do lol. Im not worried about him breaking my heart, though. Wait, think about this. We’d date, f***, break up. Is that really what I want? To willingly and knowingly break up with a guy I lost my virginity to? Isn’t it better to get married and know you won’t have to worry about them not liking it and going off to f*** another person? Honestly, I can’t even see myself finding a guy virgin to marry. Doesn’t seem probable. There is prob something wrong with them…. Or the other way around, they are actually the good guys. UGH