4 years
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okay so let me give you some background. this happened from april 4th to may 4th 2022. all names are fake to provide privacy, including mine.

me: luca

2 exes (poly relationship): mike and joe

okay so to keep this relatively short, we did exchange nudes occasionally, equally at request of me and them. i always gave them the option to say no, and delete whenever they wanted to. around 2 weeks into the relationship i started paying more attention to school because i wanted to have good grades, which caused me to become distant and cold to them, which i feel terrible for. as we spoke, things kind of escalated and i asked if i took advantage of them. they said no. i apologized for being so distant and everything, but i felt i wasnt as interested anymore. but i just didnt know how to tell them, and i wasnt as intimate or didn’t pay enough attention to them as they wanted, so we had an argument which led to us taking a break, and then deciding to break up.

**TLDR: me and 1 of my exes (mike) exchanged nudes and i always gave them the option to say no, and to delete later. i asked if i took advantage of them after we broke up, and they said no. just for them to 180 a few days later and saying what i did was “textbook grooming”.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

-108

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