12 years
x
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I have a crush on this boy in another class. We don’t speak that much. I have this fantasy. We’re at his house, and I come through the front door and he grabs me and we kiss. We try and go up the stairs, but the kissing means it’s a bit hard and we laugh. We’re kissing on the floor of his bedroom, and it heats up. We’re touching each other, and he feels me and I feel him. We stop for a moment and he’s on top of me, looking at me. I touch his face and his hair. He smiles and I smile. He gives me the gentlest of kisses. Then we roll over and I’m on top of him. We laugh, and start kissing again. He’s touching my leg under my tights, and I’ve got my hands on the back of his head. Then I put my hand in the back pocket of his jeans. He’s on top of me now. Then he pulls me up so I’m sitting on his legs. His hand is on the bottom of my back, and one of his fingers is just a tiny bit under my waistband. We finish and we lie next to each other and look at each other. He takes my hand and kisses it.
That’s it.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .