Have you ever felt so attracted to someone that you feel even spending the minutest amount of time with them could lead you to falling madly in love with them? I have been infatuated with an old classmate of mine since we met in sixth grade. We came from different stratas of the school, and though we spoke occasionally, I was barely a blip on his radar.
After college, all of our friends left state, and he sought me out for companionship. That old burning desire immediately burst forth again, and though we were both in relationships of sorts, I took him home, triumphantly.
It was some of the best s** of my life.
Through the on and off flings and my mothering personality, I quickly discovered what an unhealthy relationship this would become, and I knew I had to push him away. I was harsh. I really hurt him with some of the awful things I told him, when he had opened up to me in a way I assumed he didn’t do with others often. I told him some of the worst truths about his personality and how angry he had made me throughout all the time I knew him.
He thanked me later, and now he wants to be friends again.
And I can’t. I just can’t.
Because I am still so attracted to him, mentally and physically, that spending even the minutest amount of time with him would send me spiraling back down into obsession and ruin the best relationship I’ve ever had.
And yet I still want to see him.