For the first year of our relationship, my BF hid so many things from me. He smokes, he is really into porn, he owes money to different places ( court

13 years

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For the first year of our relationship, my BF hid so many things from me. He smokes, he is really into p***, he owes money to different places ( court fines, child support, civil court, his parents). He told me his last 9 girlfriends cheated on him and he hates cheaters. Says he hates liars etc.
Well, fast forward to 2 months ago…. I now know he smokes, is into g******** p***, is slowly paying off some of the money he owes. Then he starts texting some girl some flirty messages. I politely tell him thats he has crossed the line and to make a decision. Clean himself up and stay, or keep doing what he doing and go.
He gets really drunk and does some really bad stuff, and we split up for a week. In this week he starts having cyber s** with his his best friends ex wife, who lives in England. After a week apart, Him and i agree to try again, but live apart for a while. and unknown to me he keeps sexting his new love interest. The same time he is f****** me.
After 5 weeks he decides to move back in with me, and i find all these photos they have sent to each other on his phone. She thinks he’s coming to England, that he’s really keen to be with her. In reality, he’s just using her… Making a fantasy…

I tell him its over. He can go. I text her that she can have him.
24 hours later, he’s begging for another chance…. Saying he cant live without me….saying he will do whatever it takes to be with me.
I ask that he tell her its over. That he picked me. That she was a mistake. That he is not coming to England. That he will not contact her ever again. I need it to be over in black and white with no hint of him ever changing his mind. He does this, with a little resentment… But thats what you get when you are caught out and are squirming at the consequences of your behaviour.

Ever since, he is happier and loving and kind. I can see he wants it to work. I can see he is being loving.
Ever since, I am smiling and grateful. And thankful that he is so genuinely loving.
And I also do not trust him one single bit.
I cyberstalk both of their facebook pages, checking for contact. I check his phone for messages to her… Or to any other girl as he clearly is not faithful.
Soon I am putting my house into a trust so he can never take it from me if we split up. I am going to hide my savings from him, so he can never take it from me if we split .

He took so much faith and trust from me, and he has NO idea.

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Tbh, I’m a woman and love hot guys wearing those little speedo swim suits. Wanna feel their bulge.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .