pressed other because it fits into multiple things. trigger warning for disordered eating, for self harm, for abuse, and thank you for reading this.

i am spiraling. i have been for the past month, since quitting my job. i feel as if i have no purpose, and i feel as if i am rotting and wasting away. i don’t see a future for myself, and while i do feel happy with my friends it’s very brief. it’s almost immediately replaced by feelings of worthlessness, feelings of anger and shame. living at home is very bad for me. it makes me feel worthless, i don’t contribute to anything, i’m just in my room all the time because that’s my only safe space. i’ve gotten back into watching eating disorder videos and overeating myself. purposefully triggering myself and then punishing myself. i feel like god is punishing me for being gay again. punishing me for having queer friends, punishing me for wanting closer friendships and relationships with queer people. i self harmed for the first time in a few years yesterday and i’ve been thinking about it ever since. i know it’s going to happen again. i’m having bad dreams about my friendships and i just know it’s only a matter of time until i f*** up and i’m alone again.