I love pain. not just physical pain, but emotional pain. i fear i have become addicted, because i feel myself purposely making myself sad, just to feel the pain it gives me. i have had a hard life so far, though i have only been on earth a short while. i have done many bad things, and i have done so many good things to try and make uop for my failures. but i am getting out of hand. i shocked some of my friends by telling them that being raped is one of my s***** fantasies. i don’t know what to do. i cant talk to my mother, she wouldn’t understand. i am just a lonely girl. i have problems.