For the past month or so my mood has dramatically changed. I used to be happy and really energetic all the time however now it’s not the same story.

This past week I wake up and just don’t want to move, don’t have the energy to move. I’ve come to realise this is because in my room I don’t have to put on a brave face and pretend I am okay when I most definitely am not. I can’t say what is making me feel this way because I do not know.

When I go out with my friends the drinking seems to lift my mood, until it doesn’t any more then I feel the need to harm myself to make myself forget the pain I feel in the day. I do this in the form of scratching at my skin until it is raw. I started on my arms but now ashamed of the marks I have created I have moved onto the top of my thigh.

I wish I could say I only did this when I’d had a drink but now I feel the need to do it when I’m at uni?? I’ll go to the toilet and do it.

Writing this down it makes no sense but it’s the only way I can get my feelings out because I don’t want my friends to think I’m weird in anyway. I’ve spoken to one person about this and she was really supportive saying she’ll come doctors etc etc. however she seems to have lost interest, which is fine she’s got her own problems to deal with.

If I went to the doctor what would I say, it sounds ridiculous me writing it down let alone trying to actually say it.

F***.