The truth is, I don’t know why I’ve been able to go on decieving everyone in my life the way I have for the past two years. I’ve essentially dropped out of college, without my parents knowing. I still live at home, and when I “go to school” I actually go to the library or the mall all day, wandering aimlessly…I have accumulated 5,000 dollars of debt, most of which from the previous semester that I barely attended and failed that I never paid for, that everyone else thinks that I paid in full. I have a part time job as a cashier, and though the pay is lousy it is relistic enough to be able to save for college payments, except that money goes through my fingers like sand on the beach. I spend needlessly on perfumes and makeup and other baubles–but I still wear jeans and t shirts that I’ve had since high school. Part of this behavior I think stems from my clinical depression, of which due to it I was hospitalized for a period during my freshman year. Despite all of the evidence to the contrary, my parents and my boyfriend (who’ve I have lied to since day one of our meeting) think that I am okay mentally and emotionally. My parents wonder at their intelligent daughter snail like pace at finishing school (33 credits in three years completed, to put some perspective on the situation) and my boyfriend, my only friend really, would have nothing to do with me anymore if he knew the truth…the lies are too much, and it’s so hard to keep up appearances…I have to control the mail in the house, intercept phone and mail messages from my school and creditors that are after me, my bank account is a joke, and ever night I wish to never wake up again.