I have a friend whom I met years ago, and a few years ago I thought I could see myself dating her. The night I was going to ask her out I found out my Best friend already started to go out with her. They had been going out for a while now and I was always the guy who got invited everywhere because I brought life to the party.

Being their friend they have helped me out when I was down on my luck with food, a place to stay, employment and even money to which I paid back every time. Over this last weekend I got pretty drunk and heard that they broke up, my best friend doesn’t drink, so his now ex girlfriend wanted to see what I was doing and go to the local bar.

I accepted because I don’t get out much anymore and live out of town in a depressing situation. She drove to pick me up and then got me drunk, we were both pretty drunk and had s**. I wish I could blame it on the booze, but we had s** the next morning and then a few days later after she picked me up and drove me each way.(I recently moved back from out of state and don’t have a car any longer) . I can’t help but feel like I have betrayed my best friend and am ruining her friendship too.

Normally my moral compass can be a little off center but I’m generally a good person and kind to others. I feel like the world’s biggest scumbag and wish I could take it back or to tell someone other than the two of us just so I can feel some sort of absolution hence why I’m anonymously posting here.

I know my best friend would be super pissed but he would forgive me any way because they were broken up, but the fear of losing two friendships is where I see myself in an odd turmoil. The reason I participated was I had feelings for her at one point and always thought what if we went down the road of being physical. I did what I did in reality just to feel something other than a numb depression that I’ve allowed myself to be in.

It feels really good to get this weight off of my chest and not have to be subjected to a religious deity, or a priest. I think that the religious leaders are full of crap and in no way are they better since we all are “sinners”. Thanks for letting me open up here.