I realized I got groomed.

I think I got groomed and I don’t know how to talk about it because If I do people will focus on blaming my selfish behavior as a mentally ill child with hormones going crazy,Instead of the behaviour of the adult who KNEW what he was doing with me and the consequences of his actions, and still proceeded to do this to me.

Nobody knows about this, only I do,I don’t trust anyone enough with this I’m scared to be called an idiot or selfish which I was at times,but there’s no turning back now.
I’m not gonna say the entire story but this was all On a discord server about anime where there was this particular guy that told everyone he was 18 AFTER asking for my age,even sounding in his late twenties.
He also acted nothing like a 18 year old, but he could manipulate people very well, and I was naive enough to make that happen.
He did manipuate me,but I never liked him romantically even if that’s what he was going for and what I convinced him I was, I was never attracted by him so I always put a stop to things when they were taking a exaggerated turn, but sometimes I wouldn’t maybe for the sake of pleasing the people around me or just because,I don’t know,I was ill.
Either way,I was a naive,depressed,lonely and sensitive 14 year old girl,Discord became my escape place and even if it was toxic I just let it be since that’s all I had,but often those same people would normalize strabge behaviour like sexting in dms between minors and adults, which to my knowledge happened often,but we were all kids so we never understood it.
I remember not doing anything with this guy because I was afraid ofc,I didn’t like him and I didn’t want to be too naive since I did know that the internet was dangerous, thank goodness,but there was an issue.
His discord bot.
or I’d say his fake Identity.
he had 2 different identities,one being his “ex gf” who had 0 personality and seemed programmed, would never speak in vc and always ask me about him,how I liked him and everything,he basicall used this second account to control me even more and try to get info on how to manipulate me better.
His second alt,was a “bot” named BONGO.
That’s right, the bongo you guys love has been used as a side identity of this guy.
he said he created 2 versions, one in which it would be like the normal bongo, playing music and all, and the other one, completely Identical, would be an “AI” which absorbed people’s info thru the chats, including their language.
the second bot had no “bot” tags because according to him it wasn’t “officialized”,but it seemed way too f****** human to be an AI.
it also had
modes.
mood modes.
angry mode-normal mode and “h****” mode.
normal mode would be, well, the normal mode of course,angry mdoe would be normal mode but with more explicit language and way more insulting material, and h**** mode was the “bot”‘s way of flirting with everyone, doing lewd s*** aka ERP.
I thought to myself, well since everyone keeps on doing that erp with real people how about I try it with the bot to decide if it’s a good idea or not to do it?Everyone treats it as a normal thing, and even though i know that It’s pretty weird maybe it’s not as much as I thought it was right?couldn’t hurt to try.

guess what
I dmd that f****** bot
turned on “h**** mode” with a “command”
and ERP’d with it for a while.

I realized this today,This is one of the many things that He did that were terribly planned out, but i was too naive and immature to figure it out.
I don’t know who to talk about this, please help me.