I tell people what I think about them, but phrase it in a way that makes it seem like it's about someone else to see their reaction. I've never been close

13 years

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I tell people what I think about them, but phrase it in a way that makes it seem like it’s about someone else to see their reaction.
I’ve never been close to anyone except my father and two friends throughout my childhood. I hurt them all, and they hurt me back. I pushed them all away. I have fallen in love with someone who treats me so well, he seems to truly care about me. I look for things to bs unhappy with because I don’t know how to function in the healthy relationship he’s trying to have with me. I don’t want to push him away, but I don’t know what to do. He loves me and I can’t love myself. I worry that I’m sad/insecure around him too much, and that it will make him want to leave. I think I display sadness to make him want to hold me. He doesn’t know how to relate to sadness, so he doesn’t know how to respond. Pointless.
The way I think makes me tired.

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When I was 17 I caught my 14yo sister m*********** she cried and asked me not to tell our parents I told her that I wouldn’t if she let me watch. She said okay and we went to her bedroom where she stripped off, I couldn’t believe how well developed her body was with nicely plump breasts with erect up turned n****** she then lay back on the bed and proceeded to finger her moist c***.
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