I am 38 years old and I have never had a friend. My parents raised me until I was 18, gave me $1,000, and then told me to leave. Not a single family member from my parents, to my siblings, to aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents want anything to do with me. Not even a single Christmas card. I thought I just had a s***** family so I try to get out and meet other people.
The way I am treated is such that it makes me believe that I am either invisible or some kind of monster. Not even online dating or matchmaking services work. The only people that talk to me appear to be automated bots of some kind. Its pretty obvious when they use the same dozen or so model pics and generic profiles for every city and across websites.
When people don’t have to interact with me they do not and will not to the point of rudeness. If it’s your job to serve the public like a cashier, secretary, or teacher you say and do what you are required and no more. You just do the bare minimum so I will go away.
Sometimes when I am walking along a passerby will smile at me. But when I smile back and say “Hi” they blank their face and hurry past or even turn another way.
People in positions of authority over me like to hurt me. My boss enjoys making my work environment a living hell, he won’t fire me, but he likes to tell me the many ways I’m not fitting in or working out with the “team.” The apartment management keeps changing the rules on me like they want me to break my lease and leave. I get pulled over by the police once or twice a month for “routine traffic stops,” they never fine or warn me, they just do it to do it.
My neighbors have called the police on me several times by fabricating problems. When the police arrive they seem surprised when I don’t have a noisy party going on, or I’m not playing any music (much less too loudly), or the child protective services find that I don’t have any children to begin with, or anything that they can come up with.
I have no idea what I have done to deserve all of this. When I look in the mirror I think I am at least average looking. I keep myself fit and healthy. I go out of my way to carefully follow every law and rule so as to stay out of trouble (see police above). Just to keep a healthy mental attitude I even see a psychiatric therapist. But he is just like my teachers, doing the exact minimum job to get me out of his office as quickly as possible. Psychological batteries, examinations, and chemical analysis offer no observable defects or course of treatment. His best advice is for me to get a friend. At his advice I joined a group session, but the others completely ignored or talked over me.
Most days it just seems like the world wants me to roll over and die. That I am probably not even good for fertilizer. A complete waste of space.