I’ve always wondered how it is like to feel the feeling of being in love. Then I met you. It was so weird, I had just allowed myself to be free and accepted myself and there you came. Our first meeting was awkward. We barely talked as we watched that match. You were stressed and I was trying to calm myself by drinking. The next time we spoke was after my trip, you were surprised I remembered you. Honestly how could I forget? I know now what I did not see then; someone loyal, lovable and funny.

Things moved quite fast after that, our first kiss in the park at night. It was a surprise for both of us but we could not stop. Who cared that 2 women were kissing in public in the park at night? It was romantic for us and who knew I was the first woman you’ve ever kissed? We felt the love in that first kiss and could not stop. We could not stop thinking about each other. We talked and met ever so often. We bared our souls. I talked to you about everything, things I was ashamed off, things I could not talk about to anyone I shared with you. Something changed that night we were together. You went quiet, started stressing about something. I did not like it that you were hurting inside. As I tried to talk you into telling me you pushed me away. Finally you told me over text, that you were married. Somehow I felt that you were going to tell me, yet was still hurt and felt used. You made me…no…I opened up to you…allowed myself to feel and this? But….but i still could not let go. You had started to grow in my heart, a place I never knew existed. You made me…..

We still talk and we were still making love. But in my head all I could think of was your other life. You had a man a family..no 2 families who trust and love you. You told me stories of his family and yours and I feel terrible of myself. How can I do this to these 2 families? How can I be the one responsible for that kind of heartache especially since I know what your husband (just died a little) went through when his mom left the family?

We got together. Then I broke up with you in not even a month. I hurt you. You called me mean, selfish. You had no idea how much I was hurting how much i hated myself more for hurting you. We cried that night. I’ve cried many nights for us, for the fact that we can never be. Now you are distant, but you are there. How can we be just friends? I will always want to look into your eyes and linger there for a bit. I will always want to kiss you. I will always wish that you were not married.

I hate myself sometimes. How can I be that person? But I am. My friends tell me not to talk to you, but how? You complete my life. You. I will move on because I have to. There will be a time we wished that we had gone against everything and just got together. It’s alright we made that decision to do the right thing, I can live with that and so will you. But just know you make me happy.Your kiss, your smile, your stressed out face that contorts. The way you drink super fast and get high, then bite my neck and lips. The way you kiss me with all that love. Your fierce loyalty and unconditional love.

I love you. I hope your love to your husband eventually removes me from your mind. I hope that I can find a love in my life. We will be us just this, whatever state we are in right now but whatever may happen I will always be here for you. I love you.