I wish they knew. The reasons why I always want us to be around each other. My four best friends, always tease me about hanging out in their room or wanting them to sit in my dorm room with me because “I’m lonely!” I wish they knew how depressed I am inside. That I’m so cheerful in life because I don’t want to be depressed anymore. That I am terrified to be alone with my thoughts. That I spent years in my bedroom at home, crying and cutting and yearning. That I still cry curled up alone under my covers. That their hugs mean so much to mean. Would they be surprised? Like I surprise them when I tell them I listen to their mixes or love their art? Would they be surprised that I treasure them like gold? I know I’m not exactly high on their lists of things they treasure, but they are my jewels. They brought me joy in college, after a summer of therapy and depression. I wish they knew.
