The girl i am in love with left me, not because anything bad happened, but because she wanted to experience single life. And i was stupid enough to let her go. After she left I promised that nothing would happen between me and my other ex, which is something she was terrified of. I promised, it was the one thing that would hurt her most if it happened. It did. I hate myself. For months after she left me i felt nothing, i don’t know why. But the other night i dreamed that we were back together and i was happier than i’ve been since she left. Now i cant get her off my mind and i hate myself for ruining any chance of reuniting with her. She even told me that a small part of her thought we would and it kills me. But knowing that i can never go back. Now all i feel is empty, now all i want to do is disappear forever, everyone would be better off. I started cutting myself. I feel like i’m getting the punishment i deserve when i do. I just want her back, it hurts so much without her. But you know what hurts the most? The fact that she was happy when she left, she was happy that she didnt have me holding her back. And i died inside.
