I have a confession to make, I recently ended a 6 year relationship. I have realized that I have always been a selfish person, for the past 6 years of my life I have been very involved with my ex’s family who has spoiled me, I have left my selfish desires get to me that I have abandoned my own family and friends. A big family and my ex has always been very family oriented. I, on the other hand, didn’t get too much involve with my own family especially after my parents divorce – even with a lot of his encouragements to be involved with my family gatherings. When I ended things, I felt used up. I felt betrayed and I felt lost. I was in a very bad place, I was selfish … I covered my emotions because I was afraid of being hurt. Not long after we broke up, I’ve been informed that his whole family suffered because I have left, then a death in their family occurred, someone who I have considered my family as well. I knew my ex was in a bad place, but I showed no sympathy… even if it ached me, I didn’t show my emotions. I regret not making it to the funeral… time has passed and I have come to realized how badly I have abandoned my own family and my own friends… I feel very selfish, I feel that I have always ran away from my own problems. Now every time I think of anything death-related, I get very anxious and it really aches my heart…. I’m disgusted with myself…
I don’t know how to get out this guilt, I feel that even when I’m trying to stay strong… in the end, I was told by a member of his family that I was a runner, I run away from my problems, that I can’t seem to balance myself and yes, I have been unbalanced since the beginning. I have left my selfishness get to me – I have learnt my lesson… I guess everything happens for a reason, now I really learned to balance myself.