So, the truth is, I loved you. Oh, god, I loved you so, so, so much. I’d never been in love before. I met you when I was sixteen and I thought you were perfect in every way. The sense of humor, the weird sense of style… the way you loved the beach, and loved your God, and loved animals… and you were just wonderful. In ever way. And the truth is, I changed for you. Honestly, I changed nearly all of me for you. I decided that if you liked the beach, I liked the beach too. If you liked alternative girls, I could be that. If you hated cowgirl boots, I’d get rid of mine. And I lied. I lied to myself, I lied to you, I lied to everyone else over, and over, and over. I would do, and did do, anything. Anything to keep you. Anything to get you attention even though when I asked how you felt about me, your answer for over two years was always “I don’t know.” or “Maybe.” And, the truth is, you fell for her. You fell for the girl that everyone was falling for. You fell for the country girl with the cowgirl boots and the southern accent and the attitude. You fell for the girl who had never starved herself, who had a few extra pounds, who was happy. And the truth is, I still defended you. I said you weren’t ignoring me, you were just busy. I said you were still my best friend. I said you’d never do that… you’d never hurt me like that. But the truth is, you did. The truth is, I saw pictures of you two all over Instagram, Facebook, everywhere… and the truth is, it hurt. The truth is, I can’t count how many times I cried myself to sleep. And the truth is, when I boxed up all the things you’d given me… when I packed away the little bear I slept with every night because it smelled like you and left it all on your porch… I prayed with everything in me that you’d keep it. That you’d put it in your room and call me and say that you were sorry, and I was still your best friend too, and you never meant to hurt me. But you threw it away. You threw it all in the trash and all I could picture for weeks was that teddy bear, sitting in a dumpster, slowly being destroyed. And that broke my heart. You broke my heart. I am damaged now… and the truth is, it’s my fault. I changed. I was so much like her before, but I changed. I lied, I tried to fit what I thought you wanted, and the truth is… you could have wanted me.
