I wish I could kill myself.

Everyone does, at some point right? Your crush doesn’t like you, you do something embarrassing, you piss off your parents…

But mine is different.

I have never really been happy in life. It was just day to day euphoria that would end later when I got a bad grade or said something stupid. My brain is my biggest asset, which sounds rather boastful, but you would say the same if you knew that there were no other good traits about you. I am fortunate to have a loving mother, father, and sister that can help inflate myself temporarily, but in the end, nothing works. I just feel like my life is a never-ending spiral. I see absolutely no future for myself, not in the regard that I’ll have a s***** job. The ONLY ending I see is with a noose. But I’m too much of a cowardly b****** to do that. I will never, because of those that I leave behind.

I’m afraid that I pass judgments on those around me to make up for my own lack of faith with myself. I go to a school full of idiots, even though I go to one of the best schools in my town. My mom is such a w****, even though I will never experience s**. My friends are jackasses, even though I do much, much worse.

This isn’t a suicidal note. I can’t do that. The most I can do is just sit back and wait until the day I die.