If there is a God, know that I feel remorse for my thoughts. If I were to beat my oppressors as bad or worse as they have beaten me- would I be just as bad? Would I be justified for an entire lifetime filled with humiliation and betrayal, heartache and pain? I appreciate that I get to experience life at all unlike some on this site. However, I would appreciate just one day where I felt I was good enough again. Where I was not damned. I am starting to sacrifice the things I do to numb the pain in your name. And in my own name for an ounce of honor. All I feel is loneliness and pain. At least women who are raped of their dignity and worth are not continually raped every single day for eternity. No amount of lifting myself up will end the hell I endure. So I honestly think I am justified in ending any oppression in the best way I know how- because even then I feel sorry for those oppressors when they get struck down.