I finally told my boyfriend(of 5-6years) that I was upset that he cheated on me. I finally asked him what he did, how he did it, where, and when. I didn’t let any details slip through the crack because for me, I need to know everything before I know how to respond. Otherwise, I’ll just be confused. He told me everything I asked through hysterical weeps, and I just giggled. I actually giggled. I must be insane.
You’d think hearing things like that would make your blood boil, but I just sat there and listened until he was finished. Thought about it for a while, and laughed. Laughed because I felt I was officially learning my place. I am now, and always will be number 2. I have never been in a relationship where I have not been cheated on. I am never good enough or in general just not ‘enough’ for someone. Guys get tired and end up wanting something else. Always. Like I said it’s like i’m just never enough..
I have a tone body, I work a job while he plays at home, I cook dinner after coming home from work, I clean the whole house before we go to sleep, I buy gifts at any spare change I have for you, i’ll watch you play games to spend time with you, I invite you to shower with me and scrub your back, I rub your tummy when you have a stomach ache, and tend to you when you’re sick. I tell you I love you each and every day and hold you tightly before leaving in the mornings because I don’t ever want us to have a day where we left angry at each other and have something happen. Regardless of all I do, he said he did it because she was easy and let him. I’m guessing it must have been easy for him to just forget about me and all I do for us too then… He cheated on his last girlfriend, what makes me any different. Now when I think about that though I just say to him, forget about it.. It’s in the past and that’s not you anymore.
I was and still am trying so hard to do it all for you, for us. No matter how hard I try, or how much I give, or how perfect of a girlfriend I may try to be, I’ll always have to remember that I am no one’s number one. I will always be, number 2.