I am 21, and I think I’m just now realizing that I’m not REALLY a girl. I’m not really a boy, either… I think I’m just… I don’t rally know what I am, exactly. The phrase I’m connecting with the most right now is “gender fluid”. Because I don’t feel like I’m a boy trapped in a girl’s body, necessarily. I can tell that there is a boy in here… But some days, I sort of like girly stuff, like make up, and shoes, and stuff. But other days, most days really, I’m not interested in looking like a girl at all.
I don’t want to lose my breasts forever, but I don’t want to have them, either. I don’t necessarily want a c***, but the idea isn’t out of the question.
I don’t know how to tell anyone, and I don’t think I could ever tell my family. I don’t know how my siblings would react to their older sister sometimes being their older brother.
I don’t know what is going on in my head, and I haven’t gotten to really experiment with being a boy yet. I bought my first chest binder, and I’m waiting for it to come in. I almost want this to be a phase, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like it’s been a part of who I am for a very long time, and my brain is just now coming to terms with it.
On top of all of this, I’m scared that if I start coming out as genderfluid, people will think I’m fake or lying because I didn’t come out before now, since I’m an adult. I don’t want them to think I’m anything less than who I am…
But what if who I am has a boys name and a girls name?