I’m still in love with him. I still can’t handle their friendship.
But I still can’t take it away from him. Won’t.
I could but I won’t.
Because I would never do that to him –
though every time he says anything bad about it, I know I could drive a wedge and break it wide open. And every time I don’t.

Some of that is because I don’t know where we stand or where we’ll stand in another year.
Most of it is that I know the guilt would tear me apart.
But I can’t tell if this nagging nausea is better than the guilt would be.

Tried and true, I guess.