Whoever wrote this please please please please don't kill yourself I’ve lied. I’ve lied for years it’s just part of who I am now. It started off with

5 years

293 Views

Whoever wrote this please please please please don’t kill yourself I’ve lied.
I’ve lied for years it’s just part of who I am now. It started off with white lies in grade 6ish. “He’s my boyfriend” “I’m doing fine” “I like you” “I don’t cheat on tests” stuff like that. But as I got older it became more and more of a habit. Lying about things like eating self harm and suicidal thoughts. At the time I thought it was best for everyone I’d I pretended to be okay. Even though I wasn’t. I’m still not. By grade 8 I was lying to one person about caring about her. She thought we were friends. She thought we were close and she told me everything. She told me she stopped eating she told me she started cutting she told me she was in therapy. But on top of that she told me about the people she liked. She told me about one girl in particular who she really liked and I told her we were dating instead. It broke her heart and I watched it hurt her. I got a thrill from it. I think that’s where it started. The thrill of knowing that I can change someone’s emotions so intensely so easily with only my words. It feels like I’m god. That’s where it started and it never stopped. I’m grade 9 I started lying about myself to people I didn’t know before I quickly realized that I can even whoever I want around people who I didn’t know yet. It was fun at first and if I ever got to far into a trap that I decided I didn’t want to be I anymore I would fabricate another lie and get out of it. I was flirting with multiple guys at once even though I had a girlfriend. I let everyone to believe that I was a lesbian and even though I knew I wasn’t there’s something guys like about getting a lesbian to do stuff with them. Maybe it’s a sense of power. I did stuff with probably a dozen guys who thought i was a lesbian. And every time I gave them the same lie. “I’ve never done anything like this before and honestly if feels kinda weird but at the same time I like it.” To keep up my persona I made every guy promise that it would stay between us and to my knowledge none of them ever found out what I was doing. Eventually I’m grade 9 I had s** with a guy. I wasn’t ready for it but it happened. It was completely consensual but I don’t want him to think we were a thing or that it would happen again so I lied. I told a close friend I had been raped. I told him that he forced me and that it wasn’t consent. That was my first big lie. But it was so easy. Everyone believes the victim. I told everyone the same story I went to therapy for it and even got diagnosed with ptsd witch I know I’m lying about too. I still tell that story of the first time I was “raped” today. I figure it’s better that if I keep up the front so that no one from my pay will ever find out. After that lying just became part of my life. It was easy it was fun it was becoming who I am. And I did nothing to stop it. I’m fact I Made it worse. And now I’m not even sure what’s real and what’s a lie. But we’ll get to that. In grade 11 I had a boyfriend. It was the first time since grade 6 that I didn’t feel like I had to lie for someone to like me. He just did. I still kept the lies I had already told, being raped, hearing voices, those sorts of things. But other than that everything with home as the truth. Until one day it wasn’t. I cheated on him. I didn’t mean to but it just happened. I don’t want to but I didn’t say no either. When he found out I told him I was blackmailed. It was a lie and he believed it. It took a lot of convincing and I had multiple times to come clean but I didn’t. I made him believe that it wasn’t my fault. After this the lies got to much for me to handle and I tried to kill myself. I spent 3 weeks in a psych ward and continued to lie to doctors and parents about what was going on inside my head. I told them about voices in my head that controlled me. I was going for a schizophrenic diagnosis but didn’t end up getting one witch didn’t really matter because when I got out of the psych ward I told people I was schizophrenic anyways. I did however get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. And honestly. I’m not sure if that ones real or not either. AM I putting up such a good front that even I can’t tell what’s true or not anymore. I’m not sure. But the lies didn’t stop. This year, I told the biggest lie of all. I told my best friend here that I Shen dissociative identity disorder. Now I’m keeping track of enough lies for 9 people. I’m starting to realize that this particular lie is the most dangerous. My friend fell in love with one of the alters I created. I have a fiancé and after about a month decided I couldn’t do that part of it anymore so I wrote a poem from that alter and had another alter find it and have my friend read it. I had no idea how much it would affect him. He cried. He cut. He was an absolute weak going through a heartbreak form a person who didn’t even exist. That’s when I knew I could t come clean. I can’t. But I can’t keep going the same way either. I killed off the alter he was in love with and it sent him into a spiral. He hates suicide. I sat there and watch him physically emotionally and mentally break. I put him through all that pain and the worst part is i did it on purpose. No the worst part is, I liked it. It makes me feel on top of the f****** world to watch my lies affect someone so much it truly feels godlike to manipulate someone so much. He is completely at my mercy right now and it’s such an intoxicating feeling. I control him. And all I have to do is talk. I never realized how much power words have until now and it’s the highest I have ever felt. Part of me wants to come clean. Part of me wants to tell everyone everything. But that part is small I know I will lose him and many others if I come clean now. I used to be able to lie my way out do things if it ever became to much but not this time. There is no getting out of it. My choices now are come clean completely and risk losing my best friend and anyone else I have here or continue to lie. At this point the lying feels to good to stop and the repercussions of coming clean will end everything thats good that I Have in life. I’ve decided that I will tell him. I’ll send my two closest friends my fiancé and my mom this note when I kill myself. If I’m dead they deserve to know everything.

New Confession

One of my aunts came down after my dad died to help around the house and my mother was coming in my bedroom a lot and my aunt ask her what was she doing in my bedroom so much. Well my mother told her the truth of what we were doing and she said that she wanted some too. This is the aunt I never would want to cheat on her husband and she told my mother that she wasn’t getting at home and she wanted to try me out. So my mother asked me if I wanted to give her a shot and I said yes. She dressed up very s*** and came in my room. We started slowly like kissing and very little touching. Then I put my hand on her p**** and slowly started to rub her c*** and then more and then one finger went inside her and then two. She took of her underwear and opened her legs for me and then I went down on her and her husband never did that to her amd I even rimmed her a**. She started to c** and I put my lips right over her lips and started sucking her c***. Her c** was all over my face and then she guided my c*** deep inside of her and that’s when we first did it I was f****** her and pounding her really hard I couldn’t help it she was the one that I never thought I would have s** with out of the whole family of my mom’s she was so dedicated to her husband and I knew that and I asked her if it’s okay if we keep doing this while she’s here and she said yes she wanted me to come inside of her as much as possible to get her pregnant and I asked her if the if she gets pregnant will you know it was me or somebody down here she said yes you’ll know it was somebody he just don’t know who but I want to have s** with you everyday now I’m going to be here a whole month so we’re going to f*** every single day I told her okay she wanted to have my baby and I was going to give her one and my mom kind of disagreed with that but it happened I got her pregnant and when she went back home she was pregnant with my baby but nobody ever knew except for my mom and my aunt and me she had a little baby girl and her husband thought it was his cuz they did fool around a couple of times right after me and her did so he thought it was his which is a good thing but the next time she came down the little girl wasn’t that little anymore she was already 8 years old and her mother and I did it again and she asked me if I would do the daughter too so I did I did my own daughter I ate her out I fingered her a lot just getting her ready for my c*** and I did I spent a whole day with her in my bed f****** her every which way and she loved it we fucked with the rest of the time that they were here which was 3 weeks and I fucked that little girl so much every day it was at least five times a day that we fucked and we fucked in every single room in the house and I got her pregnant at the age of 9 years old she just turned nine when she got pregnant when I got her pregnant it was her birthday down here so that was her birthday present at 9 years old.

Related Confessions

The algorithmic echo series After the red blood moon, 4 books on that, it a comedy series too. You might not want to read it in bed. Because you be LOL.