I am sick of always feeling like this. My two younger siblings are always the ones who get the love and attention meanwhile I am left alone to wonder, wonder why is it always me? We all dance, mother included, however since both my sisters are interested in it as an occupation my dance interests are shoved to the side- I want to work with publishing stories. I love to read and write, it’s the only thing I feel I can be really proud of and that neither of my sisters can outshine me but nobody even cares about the reviews on my latest story or my follow lost- all they care about is that my sisters got into the damn pantomime or a Elmhurst associates class. Currently my biggest ambition is to cosplay for Hetalia but I’ve never had the courage to try it.
I want to end it so much, I’m starved for attention now I go as far as to skip meals and cut down on my food intake. I never really have had the strength, yet, to use a razor however I use my fingernails to cut my skin- it makes some of the pain numb. I often wonder how I would end it- I’ve decided on a bullet to the heart or brain or take some pills. Both would be great really.