I love you. i love you so f****** much i can’t deal with it. i haven’t talked to you in 9 months and it makes me want to cry. 9 months, you’d think i’d have forgotten you by now, considering that I was the one who ended things, but I haven’t. When I go to the city, I think of you. I think of you every time, and I go there because you live so close to it and I think I might see you there. Maybe that’s what I need, I just need to see you. From far away, that would be ok. I want to see you and I want to walk up to you and hug you and smell you again, god I miss how you smell. That cologne was the best. One time, a boy in my class wore it and I thought of you and how I never hugged you enough and I never told you I loved you enough and now it’s too late. It’s too late and I can’t bear it. I can’t even watch romantic comedies because I told you how much I loved them. And that is the sort of silly thing that makes me think of you. GOD EVEN THE WORD “SILLY”. I called you a silly goose all the time and I think you’d laugh, I can’t remember how your laugh sounds and that makes me want to cry. Every time I see one of your Instagram posts, I see you smiling or just being you and I stop scrolling and I just look and look and I try to think of who you are now. My cousin talks to me about you whenever I bring you up. He says you don’t do relationships anymore. He says you hook up instead and I wish you didn’t. Because we always talked about how we would lose our virginities to each other and it would have been such a magical awkward moment. But now I’m getting older and everyone around me is losing their virginities and it makes me think that you’ve lost yours already and I still have mine. I think if I saw you again, I’d still give you it because I love you. But it makes me sad because I think I would just be another hook up to you instead of the girl you love(d). And I say loved because I hope I HOPE you still love me like I love you. But I know you don’t. Because you seem so happy without me. And there are girls who are far better than me. Who have bigger b**** and are taller and goddamn them if they’re funnier than me. Whenever I try to talk to another boy, I can’t help but think of how easily conversation flowed between you and me. And whenever I try to remember why I broke up with you, I CAN’T. I have to ask my friends about it and they tell me how you were becoming too attached. And I remember things I used to tell myself 9 months ago, things I wanted to tell you. About how I couldn’t be your whole life, about how we needed to find out who we were without each other. And it’s ironic because I think I found myself in you and you are my whole life. Actually, that’s a lie. I have a life now. I dated someone in the past 2 months, and then I broke up with them, for reasons. But the thing is, I couldn’t love them. And now I met someone new, but I do not think he likes me. And then it makes me realize that I have unrealistic love interests. Maybe my fear of him rejecting me is being projected as love that I have for you. I don’t know if I i love you. I just know that I want to talk to you again. And I want to make you smile. And I miss you, and if you could just text me or contact me, I would be so happy. Hell, I might even shed a tear or two. But right now, the tears I shed come out in dozens. And I can’t stop them. And I think I love you. Do you love me too?