i’m just afraid i’m gonna become another one of his girls, the long list of ex girlfriends, i’m afraid i’m going to fall further than he does and it’s going to creep him out and he’s going to dump me, but i feel like i’m so much more than that to him sometimes
he’s my best friend too, we could talk endlessly about music and politics and our mutual hatred for pop punk music
in the beginning of the school year, i witnessed his break up with his girlfriend, i had only met her once, she was gorgeous, more than i’ll ever be, they had dated for a few months and he didn’t even seem hazed when she dumped him, just another g****** that list
i’m so scared
i’m terrified of losing him, i don’t want to be one of those girls
he always tells me how special i am and perfect, and wonderful, and smart, and funny, he’s calls me his angel, sometimes he’ll just text me out of the blue saying, “you’re a wonderful person” or telling me he misses me
but then i always have to wonder, did he say that to all the girls? maybe that’s just me having my problems, so what if he did? but i just feel like another girl that’s gonna be on the list soon
he means a great deal to me, i can’t help but smile when he does, i love how i have to stand on my tip toes to hug him, i love the way his arms feel around me, i love how he can play the acoustic guitar on one knee and balance me on the other, we have all these fantastic inside jokes together, the kind that you would have with your best friend since third grade kind of inside jokes,sometimes he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world
other times just like another girl that’s gonna be on his list soon, and i can’t tell if he knows he’s giving off this feeling or not
a few weeks ago he brought me to a rock music workshop where he teaches little kids to play instruments and i talked to one of his friends when he wasn’t there, i asked him if he brings a lot of girls here, he said no, he said i was the first one and that’s what makes me feel like i mean something more to him
but at the same time i feel like i’m not good enough, because he’s so experienced and i’m not, i feel he laughs at everything i do, i don’t really know how to hold someone’s hand or kiss someone, he does
i kind of wish we were both having this experience at the same level, but at the same i love the way he knows how to cuddle me or kiss my cheek agh i just don’t know
i mean why am i even already thinking about all this crap, he hasn’t even formally asked me out, just promises of big dates with flowers and chocolate and acoustic music, just me resting my head on his chest, him resting his head on top of mine, i listen to his heart, it beats synchronized with mine, see it’s those kind of thoughts that makes me feel like i’m falling harder than he is
what if he just gets tired of me and my cheesy romantic drabble
i wouldn’t blame him