they put pressure on me “oh be useful and help me get a husband or job or f*** or riches” or a vet nurse saving shelter cats says “sadly no you let the cat down by not adopting it, it was euthanized” f*** I hate myself but I can only take in so many cats … because I am so low in the gutter while your getting too much of my share in life. like joyce wanting to steal young men on me. as if it is her privilege to f*** young men instead of them taking me out and she pushes old farts onto me. self harming because I have been expected to help too many people and been expected to neglect myself too much. being expected to find boyfriends and husbands for old married sluts too much. and while I am being rejected they are getting too much love I am not getting enough love.you see me as an ugly dog who deserves nothing. I feel angry that kate or karen was f****** her c*** out and having babies before me and I am older but was ignored, treated like a m*********** freak dog with cretinism ignored by people, I felt hated by everyone and still do feel the hate from people. I feel ignored too much and people twist my words around wrong, feeling suicidal all the time, being told I am not good enough, being treated like I am s****** by relatives and friends, being abused s******* or physically hit and bashed. cutting self harm its like get the painful herpes/virus sore off me. self hate and anger for getting an exam wrong, s** abuse/r*** issues, bullied teased and battered by others. not being good enough at anything, no boyfriend and feeling like a m*********** freak. let me guess you are gonna call me a bloody idiot again? a s****** a retard, an ugly dog that comes from s***, you failed me again in an exam, you looked down on me with that superior smerk all so high and mighty like satu or supermodel perfect w**** b**** w**** dog – the perfect f*** in the worlds face… and I am no one! with my herpes sores and itches and pain that everyone vomits at the sight of. you didn’t ask me out, you didn’t ask how I was the last time you rang or seen me you talked about yourself the whole time without ever really caring about me. as if you could be a real friend to anyone less then perfect, anyway?