It’s a fear of the unknown with me.
Some people are not sure about me, most people aren’t and that’s intentional. Really, most people’s lives are not worth mine, my time my energy, I’m doing alright in my own ways, more thanks few ways, getting better too, I just want to be left alone, or at least to my current life, navigating life or at the very least not around them. Or in contact, or have even a connection. You know what I mean? Like say you are an ex girlfriend, and I am not fond of her. My mind is made up, I don’t trust, or even like her, my hands are washed, I’m f****** done with her. BUT her being the f****** c*** she is, instead of realizing her mistakes and the reasons that we are no longer anything, I mean anything, she can’t let it go, she needs to be in the loop and know what’s going on with me what I’m up to. The worst thing that b**** can do, is find a way into one of my current circle, behind my back causing problems using puppets and monkeys. That will not mend anything. I’ll pull away further and maybe become more scary. That’s a b**** who needs to believe I will f****** kill her if I ever so much as smell her near me again. Not that I will kill her, but the uncertainty is what is important. That’s good fear. Repellant. I dont really give a f*** about it, I don’t want to make them not afraid of me, I don’t feel like a creep, it’s good. I don’t get a kick out of it, that just happens with some people. I laugh out loud, bust out laughing if I hear, someone tells me certain people afraid of me because to me it’s a bullseye. I don’t like them, probably never did. Some people would get offended or feel down if they find out someone, anyone is afraid of them, I laugh my a** of if it’s a certain person or people.
I would rather just let certain other people soak it in, stew in their contribution to the fact that I resign and throw the whole thing away without any sign of coming back. No desire. No interest, I don’t even care what, when, how, where. I did at one, now I couldn’t give a s*** less. Other people I hold nothing against know what happened and hopefully every once I’ve in a while at least a few other people look around and ask “why the f*** would you do that?” Why? Well I know it was a lack of consideration and respect combined with the fact that it’s just part of their nature. Then dynamic of the relationship was out of wack, always was. It’s what they are, so the way to correct that is to nip it in the bud, and just walk. You can’t fix that. I dont want to call it a hierarchy, but yeah. It was out of wack in a few ways for a few logically reasons. The punishment is everyone loses me because I’m a self respecting man. I can’t have that. Which should trigger somewhat of a gross feeling in that group if anyone ever gave a s*** in the first place. It’s kind of a******, but whatever… it’s like a passive aggressive kind of way to deal with this kind of s***. Not saying that’s the way it is, but it’s my aim.
While they stay away from me and vice versa because “I’m dangerous” I don’t really care tbh.