I am happily married to my husband of 6 years. I feel like our relationship is secure and honest. We are both people of our words. i know this. i know he knows this.

I have a friend/ ex-boyfriend from college that I think about often. He was a much more mature, loving person than I was, at the time. I rejected him even though, looking back I was so in love with him. I was just scared to commit. Ironically, I found myself married to my husband only shortly after we met. Now I see my friend with girlfriends, and I’m happy for him. But also, so jealous. I think I screwed up. I miss him. He was truly my best friend. He was more of a friend to me than anyone ever has been and I treated him poorly because I was so lost and insecure. The lines of communication between us are open. We still touch base about once per year. My husband is aware of this and comfortable with it because he knows that I would never cross the line with any of my male friends. He knows our history and still has no concerns.

My friend contacted me recently when I was not doing well emotionally (with a new baby, a 5 year old and the stresses of work, life and marriage, I was tired and feeling really down). I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about my problems because I didn’t want to burden him or bring him into a problem that didn’t belong to him. I didn’t want to use him to vent and get my emotions out.

I’m feeling an urge to tell him that I’m sorry and let him know how much I love him, even though I know that we’ll never be together. I want him to know that I’ll always stand firmly committed to the choices I have made, but I want him to know tat I miss him and sometimes I wish I did move to Nebraska and have curly haired babies with him.