I feel like I’m drowning. My earliest memories were things like, “I wish I was dead” or “they’d be better off with out me”. I can’t trust people enough to even believe they’re real half the times. I want to be close to others, but I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m really just human trash. Nothing I’ve tried helps. I’ve been in and out with therapists all my life, I’m trying to have family, friends and a future. Somehow it just fades to the background or surrounds me and pushes me under. Nothing is helping. I want to die. I’m not good enough. I can’t help people, and I can’t be helped.