Here’s my story, of perhaps who would had been the guy I would call my fiance. We were middle school sweethearts in eighth grade.Young and adorable,literally our first real relationship.His mom would even talk on the phone with me in between some of our three hour long calls.During one of the hardest struggles of his life,his dad getting diagnosed with cancer..I was his rock.He was my reason to be strong. Freshman year came and we broke up,the very first day of school.It was my fault,perhaps my biggest mistake ever.I admit it,girls..we’re pretty stupid sometimes.For seeing something a little cooler or more “mature”..we’ll leave our other toys.Yeah,I was that stupid girl that day.And from then on,life changed the little innocence I had left.I met the wrong kind of guy,the kind that takes your most important treasure&let’s you find out that you were the other girl.I went to be a little crazy behind my parents’ back.But anyways,after my first real disappointment…He picked up the broken pieces&we became close again.Just that now,he was defensive about his feelings and would talk about these girls that he would like from time to time.I won’t lie,I would put a fake as hell smile&encourage him to date them.Secretly hoping they’d break up eventually.Evil,I know.But I did.So I moved an hour away the summer before tenth grade.&we lost contact somewhat.A couple texts here&there,nothing big.Then suddenly a couple of months before I learned that I was moving back,we started texting A LOT again.Phone calls were coming back,we were just like our middle school selves.So October of 2010,I moved back.I was walking down the hall&there he was,walking towards me with a grin on his face like as if thinking,”Here comes trouble.”.We hugged&I told him I missed him,he returned it.But just as quick as we hugged,we had to let go and go to class.Then things changed,he stopped texting me.There weren’t any “Nerdy Monkey” (Insider) text notifications on my phone for months.&so I moved on with life,even though we would see each other in school..neither bothered the other.Then he came back.Explaining to me,he stopped because he knew he had still had feelings for me.But that he knew trying another relationship wouldn’t be healthy for neither him nor I.So that now since there was another love interest,he felt it easier to be my friend again.&I swear,even though I loved him like no other…I never spoke a word of my feelings,because I could see how serious he was about not wanting to bring back feelings.So at this point I just tried being his friend.&we became the best of friends.Talked for hours,but about life&the people coming onto each others’.He was like my brother.Willing to defend me to any guy.Always being there for me.Giving me hours in his day to vent about the things I felt pain or anger about.Giving me reasons to smile&laugh.He was my rock once more.Along came this girl.He liked her a lot.&me,being like a sister/bestfriend..encouraged him to pursue her.I never knew what she would be like.I invited him to my parents’ vow renewal party.Even told him to bring this incredible girl he had talked to me about.She came&immediately,I knew she wasn’t really going to like me.Awkward mini conversations occured,I went to attend other guests,came back,&she was gone.He just said that she had to go.&we talked some,danced a good bit,then he had to go too.One night he called me,telling me that he was ready to quit on trying to date her.Since she kept talking to some guy she knew liked her a lot&that he didn’t like around her.He gave me the toughest question of my life,”What do you think I should do?”.&me,being a smart a**….I told him perhaps the most mature thing I could ever say at 17.”S*** it up princess,don’t b**** about it.Do you feel her worth it to fight for her?If you do,keep at it.If she is like any other girl in your opinion,she isn’t enought to worry about&let her go.But it’s on you.Don’t ask me if to let her go or not.I can’t make your decision.”.He thanked me for it.&kept going after her.After that,things changed again.He started to disappear into the mist once more.I thought,”Well he’s just trying to spend time with her,no biggie’.He’ll be back.”.Life went on&I noticed that this girl would be near me but not even say hello,give an extremely serious face around me.I didn’t appreciate it.So I didn’t like her anymore.Life handed me a bunch of s*** my last semester in high school&all I wanted was for him to text me,call me,give me a damn smoke signal at least..to let me know that he got my “I need someone to talk to,can I have my best friend back for at least a little?”, texts…Nothing.&even though there was a world of people around me,I felt alone.Him not being there for me was the poison on top of the sundae from hell.So imagine how surprised I felt when at graduation practice,someone came from behind and covered my eyes only to turn around&recieve a hug from him?Yeah,really surprised.&I got mad,couldn’t help it.This guy suddenly hugs me&pretends that everything is fine?I asked him,”So you say you didn’t know I was me since I changed my hair color but…you definitely had my number&I know you recieved the few messages I texted.Soooo’…??”.&he simply said,”I’ll text you later,explain everything.”.He walked away&I just stayed there like some confused little girl not knowing what she wants in the big ol’ store she walked into.Later that day,he did text me.Explaining how sorry he was for falling off the face of the earth,mine anyways.&that he wasn’t going anywhere anymore.He then went on to give me news that made me cry for the rest of the night.He was going into the Marines.Basic training would be in September.I couldn’t believe it.But he promised me,i’d be his first good-bye after graduation.I believed it,all of it.Because he knew I take promises&swears to heart,never to play with them.Graduation day came,my stomach was in nothing but knots&I practically wanted to cry since I woke up,I knew it would be possibly one of the last times I would see him.At the end of the graduation ceremony,everyone went back into a building get our diplomas.I stood in that room for over thirty minutes after I got mine,waiting.He passed me three times,not even aknowledging that he’d seen me there.I walked out feeling absolutly broken in pieces.But no one knew what I was expecting out of that day.So I had to keep a straight face,put on the fakest smile,&go on with the day,crying myself to sleep that night.The next morning I texted him,”Felt nice to see you break your promise.”&he texted back apologizing countless times,only to tell me that he couldn’t since he got in a fight with his girlfriend over the fact of that he HUGGED me.I couldn’t believe that THAT was the reason he broke his promise.The biggest one he had ever made to me,all because she got mad over a HUG??????I was furious and he knew it.He apologized some more.Asking if he could make it up to me,proposing a plan to meet up somewhere the following week.I couldn’t help but say yes.Secretly,all I wanted was to hug him again..&never let go.But I was afraid,”What if he stands me up again?Or what if I find it even harder to say good-bye??I hate good-byes.Especially his.His unspoken ones hurt a good bit,so imagine how it’ll be to hug him for the possibly last time?Can I do this???”..That’s all I could think of for the next four days.The morning of the planned meet-up..I backed out last minute when he texted me to make sure the time was still good for me.He got mad,really mad.Asking why.&I told him the truth,I was afraid.I wasn’t ready to say good-bye.He went off on me,said an abrupt good bye after all the,”You just need to meet me up,get it over with.I won’t have any other free days.”..just a “You know what?This is my good-bye.I wish you the best in life.Hope for your happiness.”..That was it.For the next few days,I explained that I couldn’t do it.Over the fact of that his girl would get her p****** in a bunch all over again.Because I knew she would take him again.That he’d disappear on me once more,she’d always be the one to take him away.Then she messaged me asking me to stop texting him cause’ it was getting annoying.I went off.I asked her what her problem has always been with me.After all my attempts to be nice to her&get along,what had I done to her to push her to the point of taking my best friend away?&her answer?She was done being mad for nothing.That me being his ex kind of made her uncomfortable.&my face???—> -______- .I explained to her,I had no intentions of taking him,I had my own man at that time.There was only a sibling like/best friendship connection between me&her “first real boyfriend”.That I was never a threat.She apologized&I took it.(Felt it complete b*******,but hey..for the sake of my friendship,I felt it important to fake belief in it.) She told me to give her my number so she could ask him to contact me since because of her,he had deleted it.&I went all mature again and told her,”Don’t worry about it,if he ever wants to talk to me he’ll look for me.But for now,leave it at this.Just please save my number&let me know when he goes off for boot camp&other important things.”.She agreed.&life went on again,I still messaged him for his birthday..He read it but never replied..It hurt a lot to see that..But hey,I did what I felt was right.I apologized again&everything.He can do what he felt like.But I did get really upset when I messaged him to tell him I had gotten engaged&still wished for him to be a part of the special day…No answer again,just read it&discarded it..I broke off my engagement,left the turbulant relationship I was in&all I wanted was to have him help me get back up on my feet emotional wise.But I fought alone.Got back up myself.Without him in my side motivating me.So I got better…Well guess what?I found out through a friend’s picture that he got engaged to her…To add to it???They’re getting married next month….&i’m shattered.Is it bad that after ALLLLLL’ these years&all the s*** i’ve been through with him,even after the best wishes to their relationship,and everything else….I still feel like i’m losing a big piece of my heart?Because I know for a fact that I have always loved him with no limit?Because I had always hoped for him to leave that controlling female&come back to me?Because regardless of everything else,I had always wanted him to be my future??Because it was his absence that made me realize,I didn’t love the controlling,manipulating fiance I had?That I would always want to have him be the one to come home to on his day off?Is it bad to want to run into him&take him away?Just like she took him???To drop everything I have here&leave to where ever life will take me with him??I want to..so so badly.But I also want his happiness,which I know he is with her.I know that he’s chosen her to be his life’s love&happiness…But I always wanted that to be me.Knowing that I would had been..All if I hadn’t been the idiot girl that first day of freshman year.I can’t do this,living in this constant thought of what I could’ve been for him&what he could’ve been for me..I’m restless,filled with pain&sadness,confused,conflicted,&most of all..in full knowledge of that I had always wanted him mine,for life.But that I lost him.Pretty much forever.