5 years
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You deleted your posts after I called you out? You do know that’s the worst way possible to get me to stop right? You’re just giving me what I want. Do you like the abuse or something? Nah, you probably feel like you deserve it some fucked up s***. You probably blame yourself for what happened to me in some small way dont you? That tickles me. I love making you miserable. That’s what you get for being a snitch. EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO THE RIGHT THING YOU PUNISH ME. Thats why your t****** are all over the internet, because you never apologised to me for all the hastle you caused me with your indignance, You punished me for trying to do the right thing so why would I do anything but f*** with you? How am I supposed to act, when doing the right thing gets me completely fucked every time, and doing the wrong thing got me 200 pictures of your naked body? You fucked up and you let it lie instead of fixing it. Thats on you. One more thing, If the one woman on this planet I still possess any amount of affection for dies before I get laid, I WILL KILL YOU, and I dont plan on putting any effort to improve myself as a person or lie to get laid, so youre probably fucked. Im just gonna sit here and spiral til I hit rock bottom then take it all out on you. Woman have never been more attracted to me than now, and it’s because I’m dangerous and I ignore them all, because Im too focused on how much I hate you, and that just MAKES THEM WANT ME MORE. WOmen are disgusting, worthless creatures. They never wanted me when I was a good, sane, affectionate, trustworth man. THEY LOVE ME now that I walk around with that darkness, recklessness, and carelessness in my eyes. Treating them right will never get you what you want, but treating them abusively just might, and YOU taught me that. No amount of dirty looks, shade, or anything you can do will get me to stop. You are only justifying my actions. You cant shame me into being a decent human being. You cant have someone else force me to be a decent person. I have nothing better to do with my time than figure out creative ways to torment you that don’t cross any lines. I will defy you to my dying breath.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf