5 years
x
461 Views

I had a bestfriend since i was like 10 all the way thru till we were 20 when we parted company. He had me arrested cause i was going crazy. I used to think i was better than him cause i was like a mans man, but i loved him as a friend. We had so much fun together growing up. As boys do, we even flogged off to p*** together. He always wanted to e me, he did weight lifting and everything, but he just couldnt. Eventually he dug deep and told me one day how this girl at school, one of the hottest btw, would enjoy s** so much more with him… Now i saw his d*** when we flogged off together, it was perfect and bigger than mine, i was 6ft tall but he was 6’4. It never occurredto me that what he was saying might be true, so i tried to picture how she would react with him.. dam.. so 23yrs later im only just getting free of the delusion, i woke up every day and thought constantly about him and the girls i liked, i just couldnt stop, i hated him, but i was addicted to the imaginary p***. I like it, but i hated him cause i was jealous. He eventually learned how to get into peoples heads, and so he got into mine. He got under my skin so bad he could get me to tell him anything he wanted, control me, he even started mesmerising me. I saw his face everywhere i went. I wanted to be him so much. Love hate friendship. I dont know if he knew what i was imagining all day everyday, but i hope not lol. Either way he got his revenge.. ..and then some.. i would do almost anything he says even today.. but im almost free completely, even after all that, i still like him as a friend. Im just glad im not married or ever was. I’d be raising little versions of him under our roof while he was out with my wife.. phew… he would have gotten into her head until she hated him so much she couldnt help letting him f*** her brains out and let him make her pregnant. Hes so addictive.. u can help but like him and act like him.. he mindfuck so many of us men and women.. eventually marrying on of the women who saw his face everywhere.. but i didnt like her, so i wasn’t jealous thank God.. lol. They have 3 healthy children today. Even tho im basically free, i still get time where i just want to be around him, letting him get further and further into my head, taking me over.. enslaving me, him watching figuring me out, learning all my secrets, enjoying the hate he causes me to feel.. ..the envy.. sigh.. im to scared to let him take complete control. I dont know what will happen.. will my life flash before my eyes since it will be over? And since ill be completely his?? Will i even recall anything in years to come.. i know hes my friend, but he might be so mad with me… help..

New Confession

Related Confessions

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf