If I cant have love ill take s**. If I cant have s**, I’ll take power. If I can’t take power, I’ll wield fear. When I wield fear, I will inevitably kill myself to avoid retribution. Better to die in infamous glory than be forgotten as a good man. Over a dozen peoples lives could be upended because I never get what I want and I cant control myself. My life is so blessed, but but all I can focus on is the s** I’m not having and the love I lack. Im on a path to self destruction and if I die, at least 2 others will kill themselves in my wake, possibly 4. I dont know what else to do. I am broken. My soul is no more. This is the only path I can walk now. I will get them to stike first, to take away all my options of escape or reform, and then, I will finally have an excuse to kamikaze. Cmon baby, Corner me with no way out but jail, so I can finally kill you and myself. The shattered family I’ll leave behind when you force my hand is not my concern. My family and friends deserve better, it will utterly destroy them to lose me to such selfish revenge, but I am not going to suffer living just for the sake of others. Its all about what I want and dont have. Ive gone 15 years without touching a woman, someone shoulda fell on the grenade and gave me some pity s** before it came to this.
