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And kind of a pain. A friend of mine. Laura, was having friends Vicki and Cheryl for a sleepover. We are all 16. I was invited to dinner by Laura’s mom Caitlyn that Wednesday so it was Laura’s dad Paul and I alone with all these attractive, estrogen and hormone filled beauties. Cait wasn’t going to go back on her invite she made to me before the sleepover was planned. Laura and I have dated quite a bit and are still friends with all the benefits. Her parents and I get along very well. Vicki is most peoples w********, male or female. She and I have had s** a few times but we are mostly just really good friends with occasional, when we’re lonely, h**** moments. I had been both girls first and Laura’s only so far. I wanted to get with Cheryl and the other girls knew it. Cheryl was new to town just a month before summer vacation from school began. Laura and Vicki had both kissed a girl before,(not each other) but Laura was very interested in Cheryl s******* when I became interested in her. I left shortly after dinner to be polite to the girls night and to the parents. I was back at 9 sneaking in a window with wine coolers, weed and vodka for the girls. Some rum and secret powdered coke for me, and of course, more weed. Being intelligent we kept a low profile. Keeping mostly quiet watching a Hunger games DVD, listening to music, partying and flirting endlessly. Near 11 we were all pretty lit but policed her room for contraband. As expected Cait came up to say goodnight while I was hiding behind the bed, then she went back downstairs to the master bedroom on the other side of the house. I would love to have s** with Caitlyn! Another half hour or so Cheryl was passed out. The three of us played with her body for a little while even mostly u********* her for us to touch, taste and photograph. I even put my d*** in her mouth. The other two girls squealed in delight just seeing my hardon let alone feel me up just a little. Laura was the next to crash which left Vicki and I. We were still riding high and h**** so we started making out. She opened my jeans and gave me a good b****** while I toyed with her sensitive bare breasts and huge n******. Then I ate her and fucked her making her into a rolling o***** until nearly 2 in the morning when she crashed. I slipped back out the window with any evidence, leaving what was left of the pot in its baggie, in Laura’s p****** tucked slightly into her sweet slit. I drove my Chevy home without incident and got a shower and 3 hours sleep before I had to go to work.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf