5 years
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Walking to any of my neighbors houses wasn’t like walking next door. Even taking various shortcuts it was a good 5 or 6 minute hike to my closest ones. They were the daughter and grand-daughter of the previous owners, who had been very good friends of mine for years. I had come highly recommended by them as a great friend and neighbor. They had been my neighbors and friends for almost two weeks now And pretty much settled in. There was a good trail between our places I had cleared and maintained a long time ago that was normally used with my 4 wheeler or tractor. I had known Kathy, a young and attractive, now 30 something a little bit from a few visits around the Holidays she had made with her daughter Holly, who is now weeks away from turning 13. I had never met the husband/father. What little was said about him wasn’t good. The divorce was officially months away. Tonight near 10:30 I was visiting for a private reason where the 4 wheeler wouldn’t be advisable.
The girls were sharing the big couch in the great room watching a Harry Potter movie.
Just after 11 the movie ended. Holly took her glass and the empty popcorn bowl to the kitchen. Minutes later she kissed her mom goodnight and left the room. I was outside her bedroom windows just as the lights switched on. I found Holly so alluring in mind and body. t I was slowly letting her know that I wanted her. Flirting a little. Beginning to work out together. Hanging out a lot since there were no kids around her age. A good bit of partying together. I switched on my cameras then pulled down my pants and started playing with my soft d***. I had set one of my two d.v.rs on one of the window sills outside her bedroom. It gave total visual sight to the entire room, and was almost on top of her girly, full sized bed. The other was outside her bathroom window. I pocketed the lens cap from my camera hanging around my neck. We had an official weigh in when we began to work out to keep it kind of real. Beneath her shoulder length, soft and shiny, light brown hair she was 5 foot 1, 98 pounds and has an adorable figure that we haven’t measured yet, but joked about. In only her pale blue p****** she washed up and brushed her teeth and hair. Her small, pale white breasts and bright pink n****** jiggling. She peed, rinsed her fingers, plumped and fondled her AA-cup t*** in the mirror, then switched off the lights and went to her bedroom. I was really hoping that she would flirt and touch herself in her ornate, full height cheval mirror. She turned on her radio moving to that mirror whish I could see the reflection of her from 6 feet away through the windows. With a s*** sway of her narrow just curving hips and plump bottom she slipped out of her p****** fully and kicked them onto the bed. In front of her mirror she touched and turned and danced and bent over to look at herself good and fondled herself for almost half an hour. I had the full show in detail and a great pair of orgasms stroking off watching her. I had never seen her rub herself m***********, I guess I hadn’t gotten that lucky yet, and they had only just settled in. She pulled on a pink top, her underwear and pink sleep shorts. Cut the lights and remotely turned off the t.v.. Kathy just turned off her bedroom lights when I got outside her bedroom. I couldn’t see well enough so I had missed jacking off and filming her tonight.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf