i had s** with a son of my cousin. he’s 2 years older than me, and has a wife, and a kid. my parents and whole family don’t know about this. we did it couple times. but then i broke up with him cause knew it was totally wrong. then found a nice boyfriend that i dated for 5 years. and then we just broke up because i cheated on him for someone that is not emotionally available to me, until now. but i do not care because i dont think i love him too. we’re just friends with benefit. i do not know what i really want in my love life. sometimes i want a long term relationship, sometimes i totally dont care about men at all. i still have a guilty feeling to my whole family about my affair to my cousin’s son. that makes me have a “not-good-enough-for-everyone” syndrome.