Didn’t remember from when it started but that day would be very unlucky day for me, from when the relationship between me and my dad become worse.
Anger being an hereditary gift to us helped our feelings to get worse.
Differences in views, feelings, decisions made us to have verbal fight almost daily.
Now is the day when we both almost avoid talking to each other in order to stay peacefully and stay calm at our place.
I have always blamed him for everything for every inch of hate which grew in my heart for him. I always keep repeating it within myself that he didn’t gave me the love i deserved the smile i deserved and the respect i deserve.
This son and dad fights created a bad impact on all the other relationships i cared for. My anger made people create a image of a Satan about me.. Soon people started to stay aloof from me.
But even for this i blamed him.
And suddenly one day when I was on the way to my office just before leaving home for it I had as usual fight with him on a baseless topic I was not understanding that what and why for god shake i was yelling at.
Then i left to office, when i shared this incident with my fiance she regretted this and she ordered me to say sorry to him right now as according to her i am now the way i acted today. So on her insist I called my dad to say “I am sorry” just words no feelings.. and as I was knowing that he will not pick the call and not to my surprise he didn’t but my lovely mom was on call I asked her to give phone to him she said he do not want to talk with you. I said i want to say sorry to him on hearing this she insisted him again but still he didn’t came on call and the phone just kept on hold ( thinking that the line is already disconnected) and when I was to just hang up the call suddenly I heard someone crying,weeping and shouting ..it was him…I’m in bus and suddenly all the noise and chatter around me disappeared.. I was broken now feeling that I kept broke my dad’s heart now..
This is the day today, when I recollect all the things which i did to him and the things he gave to me..I feel so much in guilt now that I am not able to face him now and say sorry to him.. as sorry will be just a word to him now.. to all those things which i have done with him.. I love him.. but never got guts to let him know..
I feel to much depressed and wasted now.. God Help me to remove this hatred and anger from me..