i lied.. a lot, like three years ago. I pretended to be someone I was not. I don't even know why I did it. It just started out as something innocent. A

13 years

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i lied.. a lot, like three years ago. I pretended to be someone I was not. I don’t even know why I did it. It just started out as something innocent. A way for me to share how I really felt without revealing my true thoughts and its spiraled out of control.
I don’t know if you would call it a mental break or just a moment of pure insanity but I have felt bad since.
I hurt someone who I knew since I was 6 and also another friend I had recently re-connected with. My actions which seemed harmless ended up costing me 3 friendships that day and even when I had the chance to come clean I still did not.
I am sorry. I am truly very sorry to my friends and I am truly very sorry that I ever acted in such a manner. I know I was going through a lot at the time and perhaps I was not thinking clearly. I wish I had an excuse but I don’t. I lied. I hurt you both. I should not have done those things. I have learned a lot about myself since. I have also learned a lot about what friendship is and to be honest, I see now that you both were not good friends to me. Even when you could have helped you did not. Even when you could have been there for me you walked away. I can see why I did what I did but there is still no excuse for it.

New Confession

There are not enough characters to express how exhausted I am with my life. I am a closeted homosexual living in a country where I cannot express myself freely, and it’s killing me. Every day, I feel like my true self is slowly disappearing while I continue trying to fit the part. I have to if I want to survive. You know what they do with people like me here. Everyone around me seems to be moving on with their lives, getting married, settling down, and building a life. It’s heartbreaking knowing that I can’t ever have that, at least not the way I want to. My parents are nosy and keep hinting at me getting married. I get extremely uncomfortable at even the suggestion of it. I keep postponing myself. I keep hiding. I keep myself from experiencing life. I am dead, not alive. And that is my problem. I keep asking myself until when? How long until I experience my first? How long until I can finally breathe? How long until I am truly free?

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