Lettig this long time confession out..
My Dear Husband,
I met him through a mutual friend and he and I hit it off real well but it was fun while it lasted (nothing s*****) – I then started to feel for him – he said he felt the same. When he had to come to CA for work, I tried my best to not go to the base to see him.Then we began to grow apart but still kept in contact. The beginning of the year Is when I met you and we clicked – he got real upset when I told him yet I knew why – I just wished he would have admitted what I brought to his attention, yet he denied it over and over how he felt for me, “we” connected and I think he just got scarred.
When he had to deploy – he said somethings to me that made me fall apart and I realized that I was falling in love with him. I think he was too. I got closer to you because he kept pushing me back and no matter what you and I did I loved him.
As I began falling for you – my love for him was still there, Is It possible to love two men where one loves you and the other won’t admit it? when you and I moved in togther and my mom called to read me his letter I felt like I had made a big mistake moving – when he clealy said “Don’t do anything with him, please wait for me promise me” I till this day will never tell you that I locked myself in that closet and cried my heart and eyes for another man, for him. When we finally got ahold of one another he AGAIN blew me off as if he never confessed how he felt – when I would ask him questions about the letter – he never answered me.
Well in august you asked me to marry you and still loving him I said “yes” but before then I had always thought of him always. Knowing that you could’ve found out that I was talking to another man while you were at work made it so hard to cover my tracks but I always found a way. So one day I woke up and decided that I didn’t want to talk to him no more, I was engaged and about to marry a man so wonderful – I emailed him informing him why and his responce was
“You can’t hide from the ones that love you, you can’t hide forever” and he was right – he always found a way to get to me somehow.
We weren’t in contact for 7 months till one day I got an email from him saying “I got married and Im a dad” My heart sunk deep down, how could he I thought? I then email him back, “boy or girl and when did you get married” he got married on my birthday (wow) and he had a boy.
He and I still kept in contact and I still covered my tracks along the way, When we found out that my you had a tumor Its like I feared for you but I needed to talk to him also… I never told him what was going on because I just wanted to hear his voice.
If you only knew that I gave him my cell number and he called me while I was outside with you – if you only knew he wasn’t my “cousin andrew” Im so bad and wrong for doing all this but it’s like he put some kind of spell on me.
He then came home and then left again for deployment and he still found away to get to me. Now on occasions he tells me that he misses me and I tell him the same, I love you I really do but I feel for him aswell, and he say’s he feels the same but what can we do? NOTHING! Had we gone to HI like planned I know for a fact he and I would’ve ended up doing something that would’ve hurt both our spouses especially his little boy.
I look at his “page” almost everyday and I even have some of his pictures saved – I love looking at them. One day I’ll get over him one day I will, I just hope that he’ll leave me alone when I have the guts to forget him…and go on with my life with my you – but for now I go crazy when I look into his eyes….