It’s getting to that point again, where I just don’t know what I want. I used to be somebody when I was growing up but now I’m no body & I kind of feel like it’s my partners fault sometimes, like she’s dragged me down. I’ve had depression & anxiety since I was a little kid and I know she used to use it to her advantage. She shouts at me all the time which she knows only makes things worse. Everything is about weed and money with her and all though I am no angel it does not rule my life. I want to be with someone who makes me feel like a woman not a typical dyke, I want to live in a nice apartment not a council flat, I want to go to the trendy bars not the local dives,I want a good job, as selfish as it is I want to be important again. The amount of crazy bull s*** that goes on in my life I shouldn’t be whining about this but I guess getting a small taste of what I wanted for just a while has made me want more & I don’t know if getting back with my current partner was the wisest move I could of made. The girl that made me feel how I want to feel would never be in a proper relationship with me but she did have the decency to break it off before sleeping with someone else lol It’s not even her I want either really, she’s just closer, she has a career and ambition. I feel like I’ve let myself turn into council house scum in the fear of breaking someones heart and never went far enough with the other girl to break the ties to this life