a month ago, i had a massive breakdown and ended up setting September Fifth as my suicide date. I doubt im going to kill myself tomorrow, but mostly just because its inconvenient. for the past year ive been living because its convenient to. i dont have any greater purpose or reason, and i dont know where to start to figure it out. i gave myself a month to figure it out, and i failed to do so. ill either kill myself or be stuck with the terrifying notion that im still alive after i wasnt supposed to be. ive been rocking back and forth between ignoring my issue, to overthinking it, to acting out, and back to ignoring it. i cant figure out how to make my life more meaningful, or whether i want it to be at all.