cathy, suicidial feelings and depression, I don´t want to live anymore, I have nothing to live for, but my cats. if I died my family would probably break up … and my cats would suffer that is the only thing that keeps me going but last night again I seriously thought about suicide again. every so often it comes over me, because if I was dead I would not know what happened to my cats anyway, when you hit rock bottom nothing but death matters. I would be gone therefore a state of nothingness would be left for me. I would not need to care about what happens to money the house or anything. when you are that low that is the bottom line feeling. it all would be over for me. I feel suicidal with my periods and period pain and pms… I get so down and out, sad and irritable. I hate me!!!

MY CAT SNUG HIDES AND HATES ME FOR PUTTING FLEA CONTROL ON HIM, HE CRINGES AND HIDES ON ME AND MAKES ME FEEL SO AWFUL… I AM TRYING TO HELP HIM AND HE THINKS I AM TRYING TO HURT HIM. IT MAKES ME FEEL ILL WITH WORRY. HE IS HIDING BEHIND A CHAIR

my cat was sweetly cuddled at my feet next thing started clawing into me making my foot bleed so I up and bashed him and threw a bottle at him it fucken hurt so much. animals never used to be like that once.I have such a short temper I will up and bash anyone or anything that draws blood from me like that.
I woke from a dream about a man at the door at my grandmothers old farm. I was sleeping on the bed on the veranda and the door was open and a man was at the door I heard footsteps and called out and was angry. he was a prince of some kind.
that was when the cat attacked my foot.

remember the night my cat attacked me and scratched my face and I came out of the bedroom screaming in the hall way the cat made my face bleed all down my face so I bashed her 3 times for that. blood all over my face … that was a demon attack that was I forgave her later… but if anything does that to me
I am a depressed angry menstruating mongrel dog that hates everyone and everything. I want to bash people who hurt me.

I want to be violent. I never get the chance to be violent. I want to bash a man to death. I wish I could … I have period pain that keeps me awake for hours and I learn to live with the pain and put up with it and shut up most times.

but I am cranky today… 2am and the cat claws me making me bleed and I am sick of life!!!!

I have a short fuse to anything that draws blood on me or if I hurt… I will attack anyone or anything when provoked.