I want to move away without telling anybody. Once I graduate high school I’m going to cut ties with everybody I went to school with. I’ll go to the nearby community college and that’s it. I want to move away as soon as I can. I’ll sell everything and leave everything else behind. I won’t tell my family or anybody, and I’ll delete social media accounts and stay offline or at least have anonymous profiles where I don’t show my face. I will get rid of all my high school things (old yearbooks, school t-shirts, etc.) because I don’t want anything that remind me of my school years. Then I’ll live alone for the rest of my life, and hopefully I’ll die in a car accident or something. I’m fine with nobody knowing where I am or what happened to me. In fact, I deserve it. And this is all because I can’t bring myself to kill myself now. I tried once with a plastic bag, but my brain wouldn’t let me go to sleep with it over my head. Should have known I wouldn’t even get that right. I stockpiled a bunch of my meds and I can take them all at any time. But I know I can’t because I’m a good for nothing p************ that is always finding a reason to live a little longer. “Oh I can’t do it tonight because I have to help my group with a project.” Or “Oh I can’t do it tonight, you have to bring your friends gifts”. I f****** hate my brain. Why can’t I just die? I won’t even have to worry about it anymore. I want to die, but my stupid brain won’t shut the f*** up when it’s time. I mean, it’s not like this world is worth living in, no amount of “good things” I’m this world will make it worth it. Which is why I need to get rid of my friends and family. Then maybe it won’t be hard anymore.