I hate my g*******. Hate them. Not only do their existence contradict my asexuality, but they also cause me gender dysphoria. And other than that, I just think they’re so gross. I always feel like they’re dirty somehow, and I wash that area obsessively because they make me feel that way. In a way, they feel like an ugly brand that I can’t get rid of.
When I was younger, I used to hit and punch myself in the pubic area because I hated them so much. I haven’t done this in a long time because it caused bruising, but for years now I’ve had nearly an uncontrollable desire to cut the g******* themselves. Not to cut them off, because bleeding to death from the genitalia is definitely not the way I want to go, but enough so as to “punish” them for being there, as if to show them how much I dislike them. I’ve alse considered genital piercings for the same reason. I haven’t done any of this yet, but there are times I really do want to, especially when I am more aware of them, such as during the “time of the month”.
I’m wondering how this could possibly be resolved. Therapists, I can tell you now, are of no help. They all seem to think that everyone must love and identify with their g******* and it’s the most heinous of crimes if, god forbid, you don’t like them. They, like nearly everyone else in the world, seem to think s** and anything related to it is the most important part of a person’s life.
I was wondering…if anyone else experiences this, or at least has information about it. I know that a lot of people here don’t like their g*******, but I feel quite alone, that I may be the only person who hates them so much so as to want to physically mutilate them. I don’t feel bad for wanting to mutilate them; I feel bad because they are there.