Note: I [graphically] describe my peril with my porcelain throne because I want to post it somewhere, but all my normal places have a username and s***, there’s a TLDR at the end for all the lazy people. It’s a bit to light and comical for here and isn’t really a confession, but I was scared shitless since I’ve never bleed after hard stool before

First off, context: For the last couple of years I’ve had constipation issues, I’m a picky a**, gluten intolerant, Type 1 diabetic, so none of that’s helping. After a trip to the ER for what we thought was appendicitis which turned out to be a shitload of s***, I started taking a constipation aid weekly and mixing a fiber mix thing into a cup of water each day.

So, I’m no stranger to hard shits, these fuckers are the death of me, normally all it is is a hell ton of strain and some minor pain (surprisingly no bleeding). Well, I wouldn’t be posting here if s*** didn’t go wrong. I was happily scrolling through Reddit when it hit, the s*** like wood in my a**, far to big to even fit up there and with not even the flex of a crusty old towel. I sit, squirming on the seat, trying to get that perfect angle for it to launch out of me, alas I cannot find one. Time for plan B. I adjust so that I have ample room to place pressure, and push. The s*** finally comes out and a new surge of pain rockets through me, I nearly fall from my throne it’s so bad. I just sit for a couple minutes, watching as my cat looks on in worry, as I wonder how in the f*** she even got in here. I finally get the strength to stand, and as I twist to grab some toilet paper, I see the chaos my poor a*** wrought, a blood bath soaked our once clean and shiny. I immediately realize the peril I am in, my whole is bleeding onto the brand new bathroom tile and I have wrecked the once sheen porcelain. I immediately take action, adding pressure to stop the bleeding would be easy once I get back to my room, that wood chair, but I have to get my clothes on since I don’t want red stains on my dirty, old, white chair my late grandma gave me as a gift. So instead I reach for the sanity pads I know my sister keeps under our sink, quickly trying to place one into the back of my boxers, awkward as it may be. To clean the bathroom was another story, soap and disinfectant must go everywhere, which would take too long with the fact I was now bleeding out from behind. Quickly, I just ran a soaked, sudsy, towel along everything before fleeing.
In an hour I came back to check how bad the bleeding still was, luckily it has slowed to the faintest trickle, and has no sign of infection as of yet.

TL:DR I [artfully] horroundsly describe my experience with a hard stool and unexpected horrible bleeding literally because I want to post it somewhere, but I also don’t