Dude that's why you stay far away from women on the rebound or women in love with other people. Seriously. For me that's like an unconscious thing,

7 years

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Dude that’s why you stay far away from women on the rebound or women in love with other people.

Seriously. For me that’s like an unconscious thing, because I want love bin a relationship not just s**. When I look at a woman I like, we are not togethet say I’m really starting to like her, and I can tell she likes me, Im confident we’re cool, if she is with a guy then, I’m looking at it like even if they broke up today, she STILL needs to be 6 months clean from this before I even think about it. I sure as hall am not going to end up that f****** sucker to a girl I like. Any other guy can feel free to step on up, I won’t be hurt or jealous, I know it’s doomed and if it isn’t I’ll still hit her in 6 months. Even if I like her, I’ll step back and give her a biy of time depending on how long she was with the guy. I am not touching her with a 10 ft pole at that moment. I’ll let her start to miss me too. That is if I like her. But yeah, I have felt the b******* from people who’s women can’t seem to forget me. And I understand that, I always knew that would happen. I get so irritatd by it though. I make it real clear I am not interested in going back there. So it seems anyway, when these people instead of looking at me, made the stupid mistake of attaching themselves to a woman hung up on someone (me) in one way or another.

But I believe it s**** being with someone like that. I cant see myself sticking that out for long, I would shut down pretty quick and then I’d quit in a relationship like that. She obviously can’t get past certain things/issues if it still hurts her. It might not even be her directly, maybe other people can’t seem to let it go, keeping wounds open? That happens too. Scab pickers. People can’t just let shot die and just look at themselves. Inward. It’s got nothing o do with me. Roles reversed, I know what I’m up against (impossible) and I leave. I don’t pick a fight with people from her past. I don’t look or even really want to know.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

-108

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im gonna k!ll myself soon

– sparklefart459