7 years
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Christ almighty I am so angry with him that I want to tell him what I think, I want to hurt him, I want to smash everything he owns but I can’t do any of it because he is hundreds of miles away. I am just so bloody frustrated right now that I want to do something, anything that will calm me down. There is a story I want to tell but it’s disgusting but I am just so mad that I am going to do it, don’t know why but I think telling it will make me feel better. I can’t do what I want to do so I am going to do this instead.
I went to the toilet on Sunday and it was the most amazing experience I have ever had, I was naked because I was going to get a shower but I needed to poo first so I sat on the loo and waited a while and then I just felt this lump of s*** coming out and it just kept coming and coming, it wasn’t lots of little pieces but one big turd that eventually hit the water and sounded like a brick. It was long and hard. When I stood up and looked in the pan it wasn’t there, it must of been so big and heavy that it disappeared around the bend. When I wiped my a** the paper was absolutely clean because it was so hard. I have never had an experience like it in my life, I wish every time could be like it.
Sorry if you read this, I know it’s horrible but I do feel better for having told the story but I still want to smash his face in.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

-108

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