Sometimes I fantasize about killing myself. I do it in great detail. I imagine how easy it would be to take some of my relatives’ pain meds. I would just have to take a bunch of them and wait out the pain. Try not to vomit. It would s*** but I could probably do it. I want to do it, but I’m too much of a coward to. I also have the unfortunate guilty conscience that likes to berate me for being selfish enough to even think about putting all the people who love me in pain by killing myself. It’s suffering.
